Spring, Healing, New Beginnings

Spring! Late spring now. It’s well established, where I live. In early spring here, there is still snow. Brave little snowdrop and crocuses do appear, sometimes pushing through earth, newly visible in spots between snow, sometimes pushing through the snow itself. Yet, despite slowly warming temperatures and increasing hours of daylight, they could be covered in a fresh layer of snow at any time. That’s early spring: a push-pull between winter and not-winter.

But now, at the end of May, spring is well established. The snow is long gone, flowers are everywhere, trees and grass are entirely green. Wheee!

This, for me, is the New Year. New year, new beginning, fresh start! Not dark and frigid January 1, deep in the depths of winter.

But.

But, it occurs to me, very often our new beginnings do start in some dark, cold place. A place of pain. A place of hurt, or dissatisfaction, or fear. Your workplace has become toxic. You, or someone you love, gets a frightening medical diagnosis. You suddenly realize your marriage is eroding away into dust. A dearly-loved person in your life has died.

They’re hard, these things. Exhausting. Draining. Yet somehow, we have to move through them. Push through the dark toward the light. Refuse to be overcome. When another wintry blast hits us, feel it, acknowledge it, but keep lifting your head. Keep looking beyond. Allow the light in.

And, as winter and spring push-pull their way to warm and vibrant summer, so does our heart slowly, unsteadily, gradually heal. An unexpected lightening, a moment of laughter. A blessed half-hour in which you forget your loss. Back and forth, the not-pain becoming stronger and longer, the pain, still real but less central.

And finally, happiness and satisfaction again. The pain may not be gone, but you’ve grown around and through it. That scar you will always bear brings compassion, patience, perspective. It enriches you as a human.

Summer will come. Healing will happen.

Joy is now.