The Star: Living in the Now

Oh, I love this card!

When you read Tarot for long enough, you develop a relationship with the cards. Not just a relationship with the cards as a whole, or the idea of the cards — you can develop relationships with specific cards. Maybe, when I’ve been reading for long enough, every single card will have a personal story for me. Right now, it’s only several which have a particular emotional resonance for me that they might not have for anyone else. The Star is one.

Here’s why:

I once endured a period of enormous stress and uncertainty, ongoing and of considerable duration. I nearly crumbled from the weight of it all. I had no idea how I was going to cope. It was just too, too much. I’m sure you have, too. Live long enough, you’ll likely experience some genuine grief and trauma.

In the midst of all that, I pulled the Star. And snorted. (I’ve told you this before, I know. Sometimes, I am less than 100% respectful. Such a rebel, me.) I was not feeling hopeful or optimistic! And no, I didn’t think I could dredge any up. Couldn’t they see how much stress I was under? The sheer, unrelenting awfulness of my situation? Good grief.

Still, I have always been a good student. If there was a lesson for me, I wanted to get it. So I stared at it for a bit, considering. I let my mind wander through the idea of hope and optimism in the face of reality… and had an insight. It’s not a new one. We’ve all heard it before. But this time it dripped a drop of peace into my psyche. I felt it land and spread, cool and calming. Peace.

What I realized, as I contemplated that card, was that almost all of the stress of the situation was the result of what was going on between my ears. Yes, there were external factors, but the one single factor that moved me from “experiencing stress” to “experiencing unrelenting, ceaseless, overwhelming stress” was the working of my very own mind.

I realized I wasn’t afraid of what was happening in real time. When things happened, I dealt with them, and, though each was difficult, it was also doable. What was making the situation overwhelming was the way my mind would persistently fixate on my worst case scenario, and play it out in excruciating detail, right down to the conversations I’d be having and all the harsh things that could be said. And, as I dreamed it up in such careful detail, I would feel all that in my body! Elevated heart rate, tension in my neck and shoulders, shallow breathing, the works. My throat ached. My stomach hurt. Sometimes I’d break down into tears. I was getting all the mental and physical stress that I would experience were that awful situation to happen … except, nothing was happening.

I’m sure I’m the only woman in the history of people who has ever done that to herself, right?

Having received that insight, I took some long, deep, relaxing breaths and reconsidered. Talked to myself. (One of the perks of living alone: I can talk to myself, out loud, any time I like. I find it helpful. Maybe my neighbours do too, the lucky things!)

“Okay, Ilona. How about you just work with what’s really happening? Prepare for likely eventualities, sure, but don’t fixate — and particularly don’t fixate on the worst possible outcome! Have a look. What’s happening, right now?”

What was happening was most often entirely benign. When the moment was challenging, it was always manageable. If, that is, I stayed in the moment. If I whirled ahead mentally to all the awful “coulds” and “maybes”, it quickly became overwhelming. So. “Stay in the moment”, I told myself. “Deal with what is.”

I slipped up once in a while, of course. Even so, the difference was astounding. By choosing to live in the present, I reduced my day-to-day stress by about 90%. With that weight off, I was energized, emotionally and physically. With my mind in the ‘now’ (which was generally quite acceptable), I was better able to see creative solutions. When I took off the blinkers of anxiety and negativity, new possibilities were easier to see.

The situation was still challenging. But it wasn’t overwhelming, and it certainly wasn’t unbearable. Eventually I came through, with yet another Valuable Life Lesson under my belt.

Now, on the letter board in my bedroom, I have this:

It’s a reminder that, most of the time, my fear-reaction is based on nothing but my overactive imagination gone over to the dark side. Instead of going there, far better to “wait and see”. In almost every case (all of them, so far) the worst thing has never happened. Maybe some day it will. But do I need to spend the majority of my life living in that space, mentally, and letting my poor body experience all those dreadful emotions, over and over again, for something that has never once happened?

Course not.

That, for me at that time, was the message of the Star. For that message, at a time I really needed to receive it, I am grateful. The Star, and my own mind and focus

I hope the Star energy speaks to you this month, when you most need it! Let’s open our hearts and minds to the now, and the possibility of hope and optimism, and see where it leads us.