Moving from ‘Should’ to ‘Could’

Some while back I read an article which suggested that, when we are setting goals for ourselves, we move from thinking “I should” to “I could”.

I tried it out. My ‘should’ was easy to find: “I should get more exercise.” It’s true. I really should. My last job involved quite a bit of walking and ongoing movement. I did 12 to 15 thousand steps each day, routinely. The occasional day, I might do double that. Now that I no longer do that work, I’m lucky to get 5,000 steps in a day.

I should walk more! I should, I know I should, I’ve done it before, so I know I can … and yet still, somehow, I don’t.

That’s my ‘should’. When I replaced that ‘should’ with a ‘could’, something entirely different happened in my brain. “I should” feels like a scold sometimes, or a sigh of resignation at others. I should do this thing … but I’m not.

Replace that dreary, scolding, hopeless ‘should’ with a “could” … Well. That sounds like possibility talking!

“I could” is optimistic. It’s looking for a way to make this thing work. Where “I should” is passive, “I could” is active.

When I say, “I could walk more,” I start looking for ways to make that happen. Thinking ‘could’ is energizing!

I’ve tried this neat little trick on a bunch of my ‘shoulds’ now, and sometimes, when I hear myself saying “I could…” I realize, “Yeah, but I don’t want to!” You know what? That’s fine. In fact, it’s good to know! If I don’t want to do the thing, and don’t need to do the thing, why don’t I just stop letting it take up space in my head, and weighing me down with the guilt of an unmet ‘should’?

Very often we don’t need to do that ‘should’. If you discover a ‘should’ that doesn’t align with who you really are, and what you really want to do? That likely means you’re living by some external standard, and are measuring yourself by someone else’s value system. It may be a great thing to do … for someone else. But it’s not for you.

Sometimes, though, we truly do need to to the thing we don’t feel like doing. Then, thinking of the ‘could’ will help us find a way through our resistance to success.

The more I try out the ‘could’, the more I find out what I  really want to do and be, and the more readily I can become that person!

How about you? What are your ‘shoulds’? If  they’re useful, if you’re actually making them happen, that’s great! But if they’re simply a mental burden, try replacing them with ‘coulds’. Find out which you really don’t want to do, no matter how you believe you ‘should’. Set those aside.

Focus on the ones that really light you up, the ones that cause your fire to burn more brightly. What are your ‘coulds’?

What brings energy and optimism into your life?

Follow your ‘coulds’.

It could be fun!