Happy February!
Two quick questions:
- What do you think of when you think ‘February’?
- What colour springs to mind?
I’m betting the answer to the first question was “Valentine’s day”, and the second was either pink or red. It’s as if the entire month exists for one Hallmark Moment.
And that’s wonderful, if you’re in a happy, fulfilling relationship that you want to celebrate. But what about those people who aren’t? What about those who had someone but lost them to death or to romantic mishap? What about those who have never had a significant other? What about those whose relationship really isn’t much to celebrate?
And even if you’re half a happy couple now, there have almost certainly been times in your life when you were the one without a “One” on that most Couple-Centric of days.
You know what? No matter what our relationship status, we all have one relationship we can always rely on. We all have someone who is always there, always with us, never leaves.
Who? Who is always with you, no matter what? Who never leaves?
Well. Yourself. You. That’s your one, core, most reliable, most important relationship. The one with yourself.
And no, that’s not egocentric. It’s healthy.
It’s the women who are afraid to be alone who get into soul-destroying relationships, because “he’s/she’s better than no one.”
A friend of mine is in a relationship with someone who gambles away the grocery money, who rarely has a job of his own but does less than nothing around the house, whose addictions soak up any slack in her modest income. When she speaks of the relationship, she says, “It’s not great, but hey, it’s better than being alone.”
How? How could that possibly be better?
It’s ‘better’, if being alone is the worst thing you can imagine. It’s ‘better’ if you don’t love yourself.
If you don’t love yourself, you accept what should never be accepted, just to avoid the pain of being alone.
When you love yourself, any applicants for the role of ‘significant other’ have to prove they’re better than the competition – your own self! They have to love and respect you at least as much as you do. They have to support and encourage you in the things that matter to you. They have to want you to become your very best self. And of course, all this love and admiration doesn’t just flow in one direction. In the best relationships, these things will all be reciprocal.
Our first and most important relationship is with ourselves, which is why this month we’ll be talking about self-love, self-compassion, self-care.
Happy February!
